"A Run on of Thoughts" - convictions of God through a mass shooting victim

Since I have last blogged a lot has happened. I started bible college, have increased my hours at work, etc. my blog time has decreased but nonetheless, I am still here and will be blogging as the Lord leads me. Right now is just one of those times.

With the series of events that has happened lately with the mass shooting in Colorado, the lord has convicted me greatly in one particular area of my life. That area is my outreach. On my lunch break today I was watching the news about one of the victims who was killed last night. They were going on about the tweets she sent out moments before she was killed. They mentioned that she was also at the mall shooting in Toronto last month. You can read about it here .

Anyway – that led me to start thinking about how god’s mercy has given her a second chance. My mind wandered  around the idea of if she was a Christian, did she know Jesus, had anyone told her about jesus, etc. I researched her life on google. I read her tweets. I looked her up on facebook. There was nothing about God in particular, just a regular person living a regular life. I noticed someone tweeted and she responded. I can’t quote the tweet but it was something along the lines of “live every day as if it is your last” her response was “sheep go to heaven”. I’m not sure what that meant – but the irony that she replied to that tweet yesterday overwhelms me. Was god using that person to speak into her life? 18 or so hours ago she tweeted something along the lines of “who ask that question? How do I know what I’ll be doing in 14 years, idk what I want to do tomorrow”. (am I am not directly quoting her, I just want you to get the idea). Did she know she would be dead on her “tomorrow”? as I was continuing in my research of this life I came across her blog. Her last blog was written on june 5, 2012 (just a few days after the Toronto shooting). Its contents blew me away. You can read it here.

God knew! God Knows! He knows everything and he has a plan! He knew what was coming up ~ perhaps the mercy and grace given to her last month was allowing her time to get her heart in place before today! She may or may not have realized this – I can’t be the judge of this. However, after reading the article, it was clear that god was pulling her. God was reaching out to his child. God loves her and wants the best for her and wants her for himself. The call was there on her heart – she felt it. My question is – how many times has she been reached between now and then? How many Christians have crossed her path? What lifestyles did she see? Who upheld the name of Christ around her? Who treated her with love? Who trampled underfoot the son of God in her presence?

We are the only bible people read sometimes. We are his hands and feet. He loves us so much and longs for our fellowship. That is why we are here In part – to help reach the lost. This has convicted my heart so much. How many times has god told me to reach out and I didn’t obey the call? How many people walking by me right now will be dead tomorrow? How could I ever look them in the face on the other side of eternity and know that I didn’t tell them about his love?

In closing of this post – please forgive me if I have not shown you his love. Know that jesus Christ loves you intensely. You are his precious creation and you are not alone in this world. You do not want to die without knowing him and his love. You do not want to spend an eternity without him. To all my readers who are Christian, please obey the call – reach out to those. We didn’t know god was calling her but god knew. She may not have known it was specifically god calling her – but she felt something on the inside – god could have sent the right person with the right words to make that connection in her mind. Although it may or may not have made a difference towards what happened last night, but it did make a difference to her eternal life. You never know what pull the person walking by you may have on there heart – consistently stay in prayer – watch and wait on god. He may be sending someone across your path to reach their life.

With love,

clare

Ramblings to the Father

The following is just my heart speaking to God. No time available to blog for a couple of weeks - so this is just a brief interlude.... of me loving on my God... If you are reading it, agree with me for it.

Lord, where do I begin. How do I explain my heart to the One who created it? How can I know that I am being honest and true to Him and to myself? Lord, my one desire is to know You more. If I say that is my one desire, why is it so hard for me to completely surrender to You? I long to be able to turn to complete abandonment for the sake of pleasing you. Inside, I have absolutely no desire to do anything other than sit at Your feet. I feel as if inside – I don’t care about anything. Although my flesh may not “feel” like seeking You 100% of the time – my heart screams for more of You. If I know how my life would take so many desirable turns at my surrender, why do I tend to opt for the other route? I am totally in love with You and have truly encountered Your love – I just want to share that with others. I want them to know this love. They criticize me, call me crazy, call me lame, say I’m brainwashed or I am taking it to the extreme. This EXTREME love can’t be mistaken – it can’t be took for granted – it can’t be left undiscovered. I have discovered this life of passion, power, persistence, favor, love, and humbleness. It exceeds my every expectation. But Father, do I represent it correctly? Am I showing Your love justice? Do people look at me and see You? If not, I am wasting Your time. Lord, show me Your ways – show me Your glory. Make me a light unto this world. Use me to show others that hope is alive and it is found in Your son, Jesus Christ.

BREAK MY HEART

There has been so much going on lately I am not sure where to start. Life is getting better and better by the day. God is teaching me so much about myself and my purpose to carry out his will. One thing that He is teaching me is how to call on Him. I am learning about pressing in and finding my “secret place” again. He gives me a desire to seek His face daily. At times all I want to do is lay on my face in His prescence and spend quality time with my Jesus. Let me be the first to tell you that it takes time, discipline, and patience! Your flesh is not always going to feel like it, but if you press on, it is so rewarding!

What is the secret place?  Psalm 91:1 tells us that whoever dwells in the secret place shall abide in the shadow of the almighty. I can’t help but stop and think about that. What happens in the almighty’s shadows? What can harm you there? It is amazing to think about how my God protects me! Your secret place is where ever you go to spend that time with God. It is important to spend time with God because He directs our path. How can you expect to hear from God if you don’t spend any time with Him? You have to draw near to Him so that you can learn to recognize His voice. One of my heart’s biggest desires is to become more sensitive to His spirit. I want God to break my heart with the things that breaks His.

Why do I ask that God break my heart? I grew up in a church that was on fire for God; however, somewhere along the way a spirit of condemnation set in on my life. Recently, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that in the past I made my decisions for the wrong reasons. I did not watch particular movies or listen to certain music because I thought “not” doing these things will keep me out of hell. I had no concept of God’s love for me or of His grace and mercy. From an information aspect, I knew God loved me – but I did not yet have a revelation of His love towards me. The more time I spend in the secret place, the more He is revealing His love to me. My heart desires to worship and to grow in love for my God. If I make a decision to lay aside my flesh or sacrifice something – I want it to be because of my love for Him. I want to make my decisions based on how it makes God feel. Jesus could have jumped off that cross at any time when the heat was on and ended all of it – every knee would have bowed to Him – BUT HE STAYED! He went through everything with us on His mind. No doubt in my mind as he was going through all the torment, humiliation, and pain of the cross that He looked 2,000 years into the future and saw my face – and your face – and your children’s faces – and pressed on through it all for us. Why would I not devote my entire life to Him for that? Tell me one person living or dead on this earth that would do that!!! So Yes, Break my heart with the things that break Yours God – Make me a living sacrifice  for You!

I have to keep in mind that my life may be the only Bible people read. I never want to live out of character to what I am supposed to represent as a Christian. I want to walk in love. I want people to see His love through me. So many people  think that Christianity is a bunch of “don’t do this or Don’t do that”. I am here to tell you it is not!!!! God gives us direction to guide us in the right direction. He created the Universe – do you not think that he can handle us? If He tells you ‘Don’t get involved in that relationship’ it is not to be mean – but to protect our hearts from what will happen. He has a plan mapped for us and that plan remains!

Who thought life could be so worry-free. Listening to the one who made life and following His instruction is the difference. 
NP: WHERE YOU GO BY JESUS CULTURE

Where you go I go
What you say I say
What you pray I pray
(repeat 2x)


Jesus only did, What he saw you do
He would only say, What he heard you speak
He would only move, When he felt you lead
Following your heart, Following your spirit


How could I expect to walk without you
When every move that Jesus made was in surrender
I would not begin to live without you
For you alone are worthy you are always good


You are always good
You are always good
Always good
Always good


(Bridge)
Though the world seems to forget
We will not forget
Who you are and what you've done for us


You are my God
(repeat 5x)

A short push to make it count...

His heart hears our cry. He is there for us each and every time we fall. He pleads with us for our time. If we would just seek His face, we would have our instructions for life. He longs to teach us. He needs our submissiveness because there is so much work to be done in a small amount of time. He needs us to go. Let's stir ourselves up and pray for God's heart. He longs to have a relationship with us... Not us and twitter, not us and facebook, not us and that random... He wants our undivided, selfless attention. He can't work with our hearts or fix them if we don't give Him the whole heart to work with. He interceedes for us constantly. He prays for our dedication to His purpose. Don't ignore His unfailing love. It is there for you unconditionally. We are only here for a little while, then we go home to be with Him forever. Make this vapor of time you have been given count - all for His glory.

The Show

There are so many different preachers, denominations, and ministries out there! How does one know what is biblically sound? The devil's objective is to decieve and confuse us - anything to keep people from finding God's love. I have several ministers that I listen to on a regular basis. I have prayed for God to give me a spirit of discernment before allowing myself to be fed by anyone spiritually. If there message is not biblically sound, does not edify you, does not help you grow, or is not giving you a peace - DON'T ALLOW IT INTO YOUR HEART. It is so important to guard your gates.

I recently had a dream about one minister I had been praying about. I am not going to disclose who he is - but I will say that he ministers to a megachurch in the USA. Several things I have seen on his programs were questionable, or so I thought. My dream is as follows:
I was attending a conference or orientation session of some sort and being that I have such a heart for worship - I asked the hotel clerk (which was connected to the church) to please let me know when it was time for worship again. The lady came to get me and said "it's ok to come now - worship is begining in a few minutes". I went into this huge auditorium. The sanctuary did not look the same as it did on tv. It was a bit larger and the color scheme was a different, like a mustard-yellow color. The stage/platform was the same. Immediately I noticed that there was trash everywhere - it looked as if a stadium would after a football game. I found a seat in one of the movie-theatre style seating against a wall on an upper balcony. Worship started - the music was captivating and phenominal. All of a sudden, these roller derby chicks came into the isles and started skating all around the sanctuary. They were typical roller derby style chicks - pushing and shoving each other. They did not appear to be racing, but just skating around at a very aggressive speed. Then it dawned on me that they were participating in this worship while they were skating. Just at that time - one of the girls smacked into the wall beside me. She fell on her back but worship never stopped. It was a surreal experience to see this girl singing as she layed on the ground recovering from the fall. After worship, the pastor came on stage - he was preaching his very passion out. It was as if he was pleading with the crowd to get his message. He was so passionate and desparate for it to be grabbed. My attention turned from his anointed message to the congregation. No one was paying attention or watching. They were all captivated by the roller derby activities. My heart ached for the pastor trying to reach his congregation with the message from the Lord.

When I woke up - I asked God what the signifigance of the dream was - He told me that the pastor has a message that He gave to him but the church was too caught up in "the show" to hear the message. Many people were there but their motives were wrong. They wanted to see the lights and hear about the blessings but few if any were truley interested in the holiness that our Saviour is pleading with us for.

Many churches today have dimmed lights, light displays, and cool media shows to accompany our worship today. I personally prefer it that way and do not have a problem with it - however - this left me with the question "How many people are in church today because of this?". Would the same people still be there if we kept the lights on during worship and did not put the words on the screen? Do these same people worship at home? In heaven, we will have colors unimaginable to us as humans; but, there is no darkness! There is no dimming of lights - it is worship in it's purest form! In heaven, our focus is JESUS and nothing else! I feel as if the media shows and modern attempts at church are a great idea because they have a cultural aspect that brings people in and keeps them coming back - I agree with whatever it takes to get the message to people - but for those who attend, keep JESUS your focus! Don't lose sight of why we are here and become distracted by the show. Keep things in perspective - appreciate that we have cool churches now - but don't forget the person we are worshiping. Guard your hearts and pray for a the Holy Spirit to lead you when being fed spiritually. Most importantly, stay in love.

Sign Language

Have you ever learned something new, like a word or phrase, and its seems like you hear or see it EVERYWHERE after that??? That is one of the coolest things to me – it seems to be life’s way of reinforcing what you learned as a way to help you remember it. Also, if you took note enough to find out the definition of the word – it is at the forefront of your mind – so of course you are going to notice it when you hear or see it. Think about those Envision posters that were popular in the nineties (I wish I had a picture - I searched everywhere and can't find one). On surface, they appear to be just random patterns but within the pattern is an image that you was looking for!

We all have a void that we are trying to fill. Throughout our lives, we try to fill it with all kinds of things! We know we are missing something – there has to be more to life than just this! What we don’t realize is that subconsciously we are looking for God. On the other end, God is waiting on us to find Him! You ever had really exciting news to give someone and you want them to guess it? What do we do if they are not on the right track? We give them Hints right!!! God does this – he throws us hints and suggestions and feeds us from so many different angles to get messages through to us. I like to refer to this as sign language. It’s like God placing signs in front of me EVERYWHERE I go to try to get something through to me.

If a random thought to fast comes to your mind – you think about fasting often – Sunday morning service is on the topic of Fasting – your friend tells you a story about one time she fasted – you randomly see a pamphlet about fasting----- MORE THAN LIKELY, GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU TO GO ON A FAST! It amazes me that the more time I spend with God the more sensitive I am to notice the signs He is giving me. The beautiful thing is that several places in the Bible God has told us that he will reveal things to us! God longs to have an open line of communication with us through all kinds of channels (Pastors, friends, family, books, media, etc.). The important thing is to be able to distinguish through the various channels with a prayerful spirit of discernment. How do we know what is God and what is not? By spending time in His word and in prayer. Here are some scriptures about God wanting to let you know His plans…

·       John 16:13 – The Spirit of Truth guides me into all truth, and He shows me things to come.

·       1 Cor 1:30 – Jesus has been made unto me wisdom, so I have God’s wisdom in all things.

·       Prov 4:11 – The Father teaches me in the way of Wisdom, and leads me in right paths.

·       Prov 3:6- In all my ways I acknowledge the Lord and His word, and He directs my paths.

·       Ps 143:8- Thank You, Father, that You cause me to know the way wherein I should walk.

·       Ps 16:11- The Lord shows me clearly the path of life.

·       Ps 73:24- The Lord guides me with His counsel.

How do we do this? By following the holy Spirit – the bible explains this in great detail in John 14. In the amplified bible John 14:17 states that the Holy Spirit will constantly be with us. How wonderful is that to know that you have your own guidance counselor, tour guide, advisor, etc. right with you at all times!!! In conclusion, open yourself to the guidance of your heavenly Father – He cares about you! Do things prayerfully. Take note of the sign language God may be using in your life to get something through to you.

My hideous tacky scarf!!!

Ok, I was at a local store in the area yesterday called MS. PRISS. It was such a cute store filled with a small selection of trendy clothes, jewelry, and accessories. A skirt hanging outside of the store initially caught my eye. It was white and lace. I thought it was so free and seemed to have a flow to it – so of course I could not resist stopping to try it on.

Well, unfortunately the white skirt did not look as fabulous as I had hoped; however, there was a black one that did look great. As I am thinking about how to piece this together in my head – my eye caught a bright glob of mess in the corner. This colorful array of fabric turned out to be a scarf! This was the missing piece to my outfit – black skirt (or blue jeans), white shirt, and this scarf!

The scarf itself is pretty hideous and tacky. It is known as a hobo scarf. It is a bunch of yarn or different colors and textures tied together. Honestly – it is awful.  I’m not sure what it is – but there is something I love about that scarf. I am not sure if it is the facts that someone took their time to hand tie every knot, the soft feeling of the yarn, or the bright array of colors. As I bragged and showed my scarf off – I received two reactions from people: 1. OMG I LOVE IT or 2. OMG I HATE IT! Lol… people have mixed emotions about my newly found fabric cluster.

I started to realize that my love for this scarf have similar parallels to God’s love for us!

·        I picked this scarf out of everything in this store – God picked me before the foundations of the world

·        I hold this scarf precious – God holds me precious

·        The world (some of the world) rejects my scarf – The world rejects people (some people)

Those are some examples. It doesn’t matter who loves or hates my scarf – I hold it precious to me and there is nothing you can say to change my mind. God feels the same way about you! Below are some scriptures that show how God loves us, stands by us, and picks us for Himself:

·        Psalm 27:10 – Although my father and my mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child]

·        Ephesians 1:4-5 – Even as [in His love] He chose us [actually picked us out for Himself as His own] in Christ before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy (consecrated and set apart for Him) and blameless in His sight, even above reproach before Him in love. (5)For He foreordained us (destined us, planned in love for us) to be adopted (revealed) as His own children through Jesus Christ, in accordance with the purpose of his will [because it pleased Him and was His kind intent]

·        Leviticus 26:11-12 – I will set My dwelling in and among you, and My soul shall not despise or reject or separate itself from you (12) And I will walk in and with and among you and will be your God, and you shall be my people

Isn’t God’s love toward us amazing! It is so unconditional! He does not love us for what we can do for Him or how we look, or how popular we are… That is why I have fallen in love with my scarf. Every time I see it I am reminded of God’s unconditional love for me – it is a great conversation piece and just possibly, I can teach someone else about the love of God as I wear my hideous tacky scarf! So when the world considers you to be hideous or tacky - just know that God sees you as precious! Be blessed!

My testimony in a nutshell (brief version)

I grew up in a non-denominational church and was familiar with movements of God since a child. In 1998, I dedicated my life to God and His will for me. I had developed an intimate relationship with my Creator, my best friend, my Jesus. I have always known I was called to work with youth. I never expected to be in full time ministry for myself - but knew I was called to work with them. Soon before graduation, I applied to World Harvest Bible College and was accepted. I backslid before making it to Ohio.

My personal struggle at that time was with fornication. I needed to feel accepted and loved from a man. I did not know how to recognize or feel God's love for me. I became involved with a man and remember God telling me "Get out of that relationship now, it will take you down a road you do not need to be on". I disobeyed and continued to see the guy. I ended up getting pregnant, married, and divorced. Needless to say - this was the reason I did not come to WHBC.

As I tried to make sense of life - I started studying psychology. I felt a constant tug on my heart from God but never submitted. I felt as if I had been brainwashed by the church. Psychology taught me to question everything. I fell out of the word and started flooding myself with psychological theories. I had backslid to the point where I did not even know if I truly believed in God.

In July of 2011 I visited what would become my church. God moved on my heart and I was delivered in that service. I sat in the seat and cried, repented, and got physically sick. I started sweating, became sick to my stomach, and literally shaking. It took all the strength within me not to run out of the church screaming. Then, I felt the chains break - I felt the weight lifted. I felt what I had missed for so long, God's presence and love. The pastor was preaching from the scripture about the word of God being sharper than any two edged sword - so sharp to separate the soul from the spirit. At that moment, everything became clear to me. I had fallen away from God's word - filled myself (my soul) with psychology - and allowed a spirit of confusion to set in. I prayed for forgiveness and vowed to never look back and asked Jesus to help me surrender to Him. I'll be the first to say I am not perfect, but I am forgiven and will forever be a work in progress.

Once back in church, I started volunteering where my heart always was - with the youth. My peace came back and confirmation that it was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I love youth and their passion to seek after His face. I have a motto of Stay in Love. This comes from an adolescent perspective. When someone is in love with something or someone - there is nothing that can be done to sway them or distract them. I feel called to help youth Stay in Love with the Father, their first true love.

This was a very brief version of my testimony. I am open to disclosing more if you have questions. Like I stated above, I am a work in progress... every day - the fact that I wake up - is a testimony!

Oneness with God

Recently in a church service my pastor asked a question that is worth some pondering…

If you knew you only had a certain amount of time to live, what would you talk about?

He went on to say that some of the most important scripture to read is that of John 14 – 17 because it was Jesus’ last days on earth – and His words are worth taking note of.

I jumped at the chance to read these chapters. Of course, I’m sure I read them before – but this time – I wanted to read them with this in mind. I started with John 14…

In John 14, Jesus speaks about “oneness” with the Father. He is explaining to the disciples that He is about to go to be with God and comforts them by telling them if they love Him, they will keep His commandments – in return for the expression of their love (by faith, action, and lifestyle) that He will “disclose Himself” to them (vs. 21).

HOW AWESOME IS THAT???? We have a God that will have an open line of communication with us! All we have to do is love Him and obey Him!

I found vs. 29 interesting:

        “Now I have told you before it happens; so that when it happens you believe”

God will disclose Himself and His plan for our lives by telling us things before they happen! This will strengthen our faith.

In vs. 31 Jesus said:

        “but so that the world may know I love the Father, I do exactly as the Father commanded me…”

WOW – CHECK YO’ SELF!!! DOES THE WORLD KNOW WHO YOUR FATHER IS? DO THEY KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THE FATHER? (if you do as He commands, your lifestyle should show the world where your heart is set)

Life is so much easier when you love God. If you love Him, you are keeping his commandments (vs. 15) and according to God’s promise in vs. 21 – He is disclosing Himself to you! You will know what to expect in life! With this concept in mind, walking in victory just became much easier. So I encourage whoever may read this to start spending time in the word, seek His face daily, and fall in love with the Father – and of course – Stay in Love!!!

Stay in Love

Stay in love. This has become my motto for life, my passion. I have learned from experience that when I “love” something – it drives me. I am an emotional being and love the feeling of loving something. The important thing to remember is what exactly love is. The Bible clearly defines what love is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (amplified version):

                4. Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

                5. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on it’s own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

                6. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

                7. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

                8. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

After reading the details of this passage – I realized how little I knew about love!!! For years, my perception of love is what I could do for someone. God tells us here that love is so much more than that! I am not perfect by far; but, I strive daily to be the best I can be in Christ! I have so much learning to do and so many things to adjust in my life. One thing I know for sure is that I need love to do it – not just any kind of love – God’s love to me, through me, and towards Him! I pray that He teaches me what His love is and how to receive and recognize it.

The title of this blog is “Stay in Love”. I picked this title because it is what I am choosing to live by. When you are in love with something, it is where your passion is birthed; nothing and no one can come up against you in your own mind when you love something! I often look back at missed opportunities that I have come across and realize that if I would have stayed in love with the Father – I may not have missed it. I challenge all who may read this to stay in love with God – place Him first – and everything else will fall in place. Look at love from God’s perspective and display it in your own life. We must first learn to love God and accept His love in order to love others with a God-style love. The human race is thirsty for God. They all have a void to be filled and searching for something to fill it with – all searching and not realizing that what they need has been here the whole time: Interceding for us, calling us, and longing for us! Ephesians 1:4-5 tells us that “just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will”. God picked us long before the earth was even in existence! How awesome is that??? It is our job to let others know about God and His love for us! Once they have truly experienced the love of God – lives are changed and people are never the same again. May I learn to grown in the Love of the Lord daily so that He may use me to show His love to others! Remember this: people may not remember any circumstances or things that happen, but they will remember the love that was or was not shown to them!

This blog is dedicated to my sweet Jesus, my family, friends, the broken, and brothers & sisters in Christ. I may not post every day – but I will post as led and hope to grow with it – and possibly help someone else along the way!

XOXO

Clare