I was watching the
news this morning and a news clip came on that said “We tend to pick partners
that make us feel better about ourselves and we disregard their negative traits”.
I began to think
about this in the context of my past relationships. Each and every person I had
dated did this. They made me feel better about me – however – I did not have
the best experience with picking people. I think a big reason I did not pick more
appropriately was because I did not know who I was. I saw myself as worthless,
rejected, and not good enough. The people that I picked made me feel as if I
was worth something. I excused and justified everything they did. I lowered
standards that were in my heart little by little and over time I became calloused
to who I really was inside. I placed my passion and calling down time and time
again just for the opportunity to feel loved when all along I had no idea what
love really looked like. It is easy to
look at lower standards as permissible when your perception of who you are
created to be is clouded by the lies of the enemy. Despite my efforts and
unconditional love to people, in the end I was still broken. The love was never
reciprocated the way I deserved. I was lied to. I was cheated on. After each
relationship I still felt like I was “NOT
GOOD ENOUGH”. If I do this, then maybe he will love me. If I act this way,
he will eventually see that I am a good woman and be with just me. Every time I
tried to justify, I would fall deeper and deeper into the pit of false
identity.
Almost a year ago, I
cut dating off completely. I knew that a major restoration needed to take
place. I prayed that the Lord restore me to who He created me to be. I asked
that He show me what He sees when He looks at me. Through this season of
singleness, He has done exactly that. Soul ties were broken and I see myself as
His daughter. I am loved, I was bought with a price, and I am redeemed. I have
never known what it feels like to be a daughter of a father. I didn’t know that
I had potential. I didn’t know that I had purpose. I had listened to the lies
of the enemy for so long through the lips of people that unknowingly had the
same identity issues as I did. Don’t get it twisted… every man I dated was not
a lost cause. They were not horrible people by any means. They too, were lost
to who God has created them to be and sought me out to make them feel better
about themselves – and thus the cycle is repeated in them.
We are all seeking
purpose. We all seek acceptance. It is only His acceptance that satisfies and
it is only His acceptance that we need. His love truly heals our wounds.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their
pains and their sorrows]. (Psalm 147:3 Amplified)
That was the design
from the enemy from the beginning – to destroy me. If he can get me to believe
that I am less than I am, then I am no good to anyone else. This is why
identity is so important! Do you know who you are? REALLY????
As I have started to discover who I am,
I can see a difference in my associations. A guy cannot approach me anymore
with his cheesy attempts at a pick up line. The “we can get to know each other”
days are over! I want a man who is more in love with Jesus than I am. I want
someone who knows my Father and wants to treat me like the daughter that I am.
I want a man who will pull me to greatness with him as he follows God. I need
someone with a sense of purpose so that when our destinies align we can impact
this world for the Kingdom. At the end of the day, we are eternal beings and
our purpose is His purpose.
In conclusion, if you
find yourself in this cycle or if you find yourself in a place of brokenness…
maybe try to step back and ask yourself “WHO AM I”? If anything other than “a
daughter/son of the most high God… the head and not the tail… an overcomer…
destined for greatness… more than a conqueror… beloved… REDEEMED… forgiven… or
anything of that nature” comes to mind… you need to get alone with God and find
yourself! He loves you, you are created in His image, you are royalty, and you
deserve a life that is lined up with that promise. Use your season of
singleness for a purpose.
